This will be a blog post about me self-psychoanalysing myself as a result of a recent comment I made on Facebook about my martial arts. It delves pretty much into everything I do and don't do. So if like me you can't stand to read things that are too long, then feel free to scroll on by. But for those willing to read on, hopefully this will spread a bit of understanding on how a broken brain works after a lifetime of conditioned responses and learned behaviors got ingrained.
MJ Bridger's blog
Nothing has been done for a long time. And nothing will continue to be done. For the past several months, The Universe has seen fit to delay or derail every instance of my getting back into writing. So... I'm just giving up on it. Who knows what'll happen? I may come back to this. I may not. Maybe I'm not meant to be a writer after all. Maybe I'm not meant to be a writer yet. I don't know.
I've been putting telling anyone about this, but if this helps me or someone else in this world, then so be it. My mental state has not improved. In fact the symptoms are becoming worse. So... what are my options?
I love world building. Probably more than I like actually writing stuff. In this class' assignments, I was tasked with describing a scene from a character's point of view using some of my own personnal experiences to help lend credence. I was also tasked with creating a scene where a character has to face a difficult situation with which they are not familiar. So I tied the two together. This comes as an unedited excert from Lady of the Gate.
The cliche you hear a lot would be that the older you get, the less you find you let things get to you. I'm 40 now and I have to type/say... the cliche appears to be correct. Instead of getting frustrated or angry with myself for not being able to spar to this perceived perfectionist level that I designed for myself, I recently found that I had grown out of that and just concentrated on having fun. I got hit several times and I didn't mind. I filed it away as something to work on and freely acknowledged the good hits when they landed. The sparring lesson that sparked this also had a number of moments where using Kung-fu in Karate turned to my advantage. I now focus on enjoying myself, learning from my mistakes where I can and planning to try some more and different things, just to see if they work or not. I feel good because it shows how far I've come in my martial arts journey.
The Neil Gaiman Masterclass continues to put me through my creative paces, but also grants some new ideas that can hopefully get used. Karate continues to put me through my physical paces with my own conditioning being the most prevalent issue. Kung-fu has a grading coming up soon I believe so I'll soon have to start turning my focus that way. Dave Cartwright has finished his Camelot 2050 trilogy, so congratulations to him on that. Other than that, things continue in much the same ambling way they have thus far.
Another part of Neil Gaiman's Masterclass, the one about making character and dialogue. This has been interesting and somewhat challenging, but has forced me to think more about things I have on the mental burner. So, something else from Lady of the Gate; a dialogue between king and princess, father and daughter.
The silent majority. Always ticking over quietly in the background. Rarely does the remarkable happen to the silent majority, because they're not spending their time screaming and shouting and kicking up a general fuss. As such, little appears to be made about them, because there does not appear to be any noise. However, that will be where we need to look to answer the questions of "why are we doing this?" and "could there be a better way?"
Since I'm having trouble with writing a proper scene to fit in the description of Princess Fiona from Lady of the Gate, here's another part of the same class' assignment. An "interview" with Fiona to find her "voice." Enjoy. Or don't.
People come and go, and that's just a fact of life when you're training. But how do you get them to stick around, especially when they're just starting out and you want to keep them interested? Well, as it happens we may have come across an interesting way of doing that without meaning to this past week. Spoiler : It involves big sticks.